Nostradamus Ate My Hamster
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Trouble is, they just don't make that kind of movie any more. Ernie's going bust. In fact, if he can't come up with some big bucks pretty damn quick, he's going to lose the business. It will take a miracle to save him now.
Nostradamus Ate My Hamster by Robert Rankin (Paperback, 1997)
Young Master Robert believes in miracles. He has a dream. He wants to star in movies alongside The Greats. The Golden Greats. The dead Golden Greats.
He's a boy boffin with computers and he's invented this system that could put the stars of yesteryear right back up there on the screen. Next to him. He's written a script and he's got piles of money his dad owns the brewery , but Hollywood isn't keen. And Mr Spielberg didn't ring back. The lad needs a director and Ernie needs the dosh, and Ernie only lives up the road. Could this be the perfect partnership? Well, it could be And when Brentford takes on Hollywood, then Hollywood had better pack up and head for the hills.
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NOSTRADAMUS ATE MY HAMSTER
She played everybody false. Ernest Fudgepacker groaned. Still, at least this time he went out with a bang, rather than a whimper. Taking my beautiful wife. And that, gentlemen, I think, is it. I can call for a paramedic if you want, Bobby Boy. Many props. All the props.
Nostradamus Ate My Hamster by Robert Rankin - Penguin Books Australia
I suppose. Just like that. I mean Russell gave up all of his life for just that one moment. A pretty noble thing to do by any reckoning.
Jim raised his in return and both took deep respectful draughts. Omally shrugged. Or perhaps all the things in the story have yet to happen. In fact And if you had the nerve, you might draw that curtain aside. And there, there, seated on a kind of throne-like chair, you would see Russell. Still a young man and just sitting there staring forever into space. You see, some say that he was never a real person at all, that he was just a construct. A bit of you and a bit of me.
A bit of everyone who cares about the borough, called into life by magical means when the need arose. Cometh the hour, cometh the man.
And possibly And it would say That is quite horrible. I heard tell, for instance, that because Russell stopped all the bad stuff from happening by giving up his whole life, that he, of course, changed the future.
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So if none of the bad stuff could happen in the future, he would never go there, get the time belt and have to do all he did. I hope it happened that way. He was a fit and agile-looking young man, with a fine head of thick dark hair. He approached the bar and the new blonde barmaid Neville had taken on for lunchtimes turned to greet him. She smiled the young man a mouth load of lovely white teeth. The young man paused a moment, as if suddenly torn by some inner struggle, possibly regarding what blonde barmaids expect a real man to drink.